Posted by: chptr37 | 04/17/2009

Pg. 16: Living Language

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Chocolate chips go with anything, it seems. Could be worse: I used to stir them into my oatmeal.

Stats:

  • Miles Today: I walked two. Does that count?
  • Miles Total: 4907
  • From/To: Back and forth to town three times, once with my sister behind the wheel… ’nuff said.
  • Slept: With odd dreams.
  • Soundtrack: My sister’s iPod, which runs a serious gamut.
  • Worst Thing: Too. much. food.
  • Best Thing: The wings at Rogues’ Harbor.
  • Quote of the Day: “Are you still writing those weird stories?” asked by my grandmother. I wasn’t sure which stories she was referring to, and I didn’t want to give her more information than she already had, so I just said yes.

*

I’m starting to think I should have written not a travel blog, but a food blog. Yesterday’s food ran the gamut from morning coffee to Ithaca Bakery bagels to my grandfather’s home-smoked goose-meat hot dogs in homemade sweet and spicy mustard to my mom’s toffee bars to dinner at Rogues’ Harbor, which consisted of amazing wings, brie, salads, chicken, prime rib and the thought (although fleeting) of dessert.

Even writing about it now, I feel stuffed, overfull. I took a walk. It didn’t help. Being at home, it seems, is hazardous to my health. At some point, I -am- going to stop eating my way across the country, I swear it. But not quite yet. Couple more days, and I’ll be on to my new home, where I’ll be walking a lot (I’d guess) and eating a lot less (I’d also guess, based on what I know of the menu).

Leaving the restaurant after all that food, we were all holding our stomachs and fighting over who had to sit in the back. Of course, anyone standing in the parking lot listening to us would not have had a clue what we were saying, since, like most families, the G Clan speaks a language all its own.

Between the “I’m gonna blarg” and the “Huh-huh, it’s kinda tight,” and “feed me again!” we probably sounded like a bunch of maniacs. So, here for your pleasure (or pain) is the G-Clan Dictionary of phrases. I’d illustrate it if I could, but most of them you probably don’t want to see.

Chapter 37 Presents…


The G-Clan Dictionary


Blarg (action). Any two of the three combined: being cold, being so full you might puke, blogging. If you’re doing all three at once, you get triple points.

Cleats (body part, not human). What bugs wear. Typically used in sentences like, “Ow! That bug flew in my eye. It really hurts… I swear it’s wearing cleats!”

Droolers (foodstuffs). Candy of the extreme sour variety. Often offered to a sibling or parent under the guise of kindness. “Hey! Want a piece of candy? I’ll share.” Gagging and drooling promptly ensues, along with laughter from those with the camera.

Die’dunno (response). When you don’t know the answer to the question, and aren’t really paying attention anyway.

Earball (body part). The thing that bugs with cleats fly into. Somewhere between the eye and the ear. Often missing a brain.

Feed me, again! (saying). Phrase originally coined by the family’s Furby, who also coined: Big fun, big light, big worried, big butt, big no, big sound, say it again, feed me, me dance, hey tickle! All farts, burbs and snores are also modeled after the Furby language.

Flat Cheese (foodstuffs). American cheese wrapped into those little plastic things. One of the five foods that my brother will actually eat. This is opposed to Block Cheese, which the rest of the family enjoys.

Grasshoppah (action). The movement made by sisters when they are scared in the dark by someone waiting behind a tree and yelling “boo!” Even if they see said someone first and go so far as to say, “I see you!” A grasshoppah is usually accompanied by a loud yell, a flailing of arms and a follow-up punch.

I thi I gun yak (saying). Usually said in response to someone driving with high heels on in stop-and-go traffic. Extra points if you hit the brake hard enough to lock the seatbelt around the speaker’s stomach.

I’m Not Eating (pout). Most often used by the dad of the family, when he doesn’t get his way (typically, meaning he arm-wrestled his daughter for dinner and lost), but has expanded to mean anyone who’s being overly stubborn and/or pouty (see martyr).

It’s Kinda’ Tight (saying). Must be preceeded by the saying “I stole a shirt” and accompanied by a huh-huh style laugh. Can be used anytime and any place to get a laugh. Often makes the parental units say something like “You know, that wasn’t that funny the first three hundred times.”

Martyr (pseudo-action). Can only be used as a verb, as in “Stop martyring, you whiner.” Can also be used in place of any word that sounds even remotely like ‘martyr’, such as “Fine… I know I don’t martyr anyway” and “Stop martyring. I can’t hear you.”

Mean pigs (fear). Anything that no longer makes sense, or has become obsolete, since no one can remember the original meaning (see illustration below).

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The year my sister turned 16, I sent her a book of lists for her birthday. The book asked things like “Who do you love?” and “List your five biggest secrets.” As part of the gift, I answered the questions in a notebook so she could read them. This was my answer to “List 10 Things You’re Scared Of.” Even though it was six years ago, I still have all these fears… except for the mean pigs. I’ve never been scared of pigs in my life. We figure it was some inside joke, one that we no longer remember.


Petrified Rice (foodstuffs). Rice made with baby marshmellows, cool whip, canned pineapple and a few other things. Synonyms: radiated rice, glorified rice, radified rice, etc.

Pollos (people). Boys. Began its life as the word ‘boyos’ (as in the sentence, “Come on, boyos, don’t be wimps”), but through a mishearing became ‘pollos,’ which means chicken in Spanish, and somehow seems appropriate.

Sucking Your Brains in Through Your Nose (action. Not recommended). What occurs when you’re out for a walk in the wind and your nose is running profusely and you sniff to keep it from running down your face.

Yeahbut (saying). Used to show disagreement, disillusionment, confusion or pretty much anything else. Synonyms: Butmom, butdad, butchild and butbutbut.

You Too! (response). Phrase used to incorrectly respond to mis-heard or mis-understood comments by other people. Originated at the grocery store, when the cashier said what I thought was “Have a nice day,” to which I responded “You too.” It was only after my sister fell over in laughter in the parking lot that she told me the cashier had actually said, “Would you like a bag?” Can also me used for birthdays, as in “Hey, Sis! Happy birthday!” “Thanks! You too!” (Note: Our birthdays are not even remotely close to each other.)

Your Room is Really Shiny (excuse). Best used when sisters are revealing important facts of their teenage lives, and you’re trying desperately to stay awake. When said sister asks, “Did you hear what I said? Are you sleeping?” you can wake up with a snort and say, “No, no, I wasn’t sleeping. I was just thinking how your room is really shiny.” For the record: Doesn’t work as well when it’s pitch dark.

*

Far and fast, s.

*

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My fears may not have changed in six years, but my food dislikes have. I now like everything on my ‘ew list’ except light beer. I have no idea how mayo didn’t make the hate list…


*

“The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”  ~Erma Bombeck

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Responses

  1. […] Original post by chptr37 […]

  2. Hahaha … that dictionary made for great Saturday-morning reading (and some read-aloud sharing)!!

  3. Food and travel go together just ask Anthony Bourdain so I think you’re good.

  4. I BEG YOUR PARDON?!!!!!

    Milady, we shall feast like queens! I am right now going to concoct a six course Scottish feast that will BLOW YOUR MIND!

    With no mayo … ; )

  5. Mmmmm…. Strawberries……

    I’m going to pout now because I don’t have chocolate chips and strawberries. Not sure where that makes it on the G-Clan list.

    I think I’m martyring or I’m not eating or something

    /huggles I miss you!!

  6. Jeremy: Thanks! I’ll let you patent your flash cards for it!

    Stacy: Yeah, he makes me laugh. I do like to read his stuff, even if I don’t always want to know what goes on behind the scenes.

    Nikki: -grins wickedly- Do I know how to get a great meal out of my hosts, or what? Just kidding! I can’t wait to try it all!

    Annie: Miss you too! -hands her the chips and strawberries- No martyring! Hehe.

  7. gee, I don’t know which term I like best – martyr is pretty damn good. Flat cheese – that about says it. And petrified rice – hahaha, my mom made that – and you had to use canned rice pudding if it was to be made properly. I loved it. I haven’t made it for so long because it’s just sooooooo bad, hahaha.

    thanks for all this

  8. Oooh, canned rice pudding. Never had it that way, but I bet it’s good. I’m a tapioca pudding fan myself. It’s a texture thing.


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