Posted by: Shanna Germain | 06/03/2009

Pg. 64: Burned-Out House

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Today, my bones ache. It makes me feel old. Like a rotted-out house, neglected and forsaken. The kind that people look at, with its broken-out windows and its chipped paint, and they think, “That was beautiful once. That had good bones once, a solid foundation.”

My joints creak like unused doors. My tendons pop and snap. I slog along like my cellar is full of water, and my foundation flows with cracks. My doors open on nothing, yawning and hanging off the jamb. My roof sags and grows moss, lets the insects sink beneath the pores of its shingles without care.

I want to be left alone in my misery, squat and scowling in my untended lawn, my broken windows shining like sharp teeth that scare away kids on trikes and mothers with strollers.

I want to be scrubbed free of mildew and ache, then painted with the soft brush of fingers across my shuttered eyes.

I don’t get sick often, but I promise myself, as I do every time that I’m sick: I will not forget this feeling. I will not take health for granted, ever ever again. If someone buys me, tends to me, restores me with a careful hand and a kind heart, then I will shine.

Far in body, fast in mind, s.

*

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” ~Buddha

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Responses

  1. […] The adventures of my life, I swear. Got bit by a bloody tick. Am sick as a devil’s dog. […]

  2. Oh Shanna, I’m so sorry! Get well, get well! I want to bring you soup and kisses!

  3. If the meds are doing their work, you should start feeling way better in a couple of days.

    It’s funny (not really) – I’m always hearing “write when you’re sick – interesting stuff shows up on the page” – but I can rarely bring myself to do that. Even if just this blog post, you’ve done that.

    Take care!

  4. Honey.. you poor thing. I have to echo Gina’s thoughts here and say I wish I was able to scoop you up into a warm hug and take care of you.

    Which, come to think of it, is odd because when I’m sick I’m usually too ugly to be around people while I beg whatever gods there are to just get it over with – followed a few hours later by me begging again to please spare my pitiful life (I blame it on my drinking days when hangovers felt like train wrecks)

    Take care of yourself sweetheart, we want you back to your sassy self /smooches

    XOXO

  5. I hope the misery recedes ASAP!

    And I hope that next time you go out, you get bitten by a TOCK–the opposite of a tick. The bite of the tock (which, incidentally, I just made up) brings euphoria, vitality, and all that good stuff.

  6. Feel better soon!

  7. No matter how broken your windows or sagging your roof—you’ll never scare away the neighbors. People who know will always see the classic lines, and the strong sturdy foundation—now, tent yourself up against the termites and get better soon!

    XXX,
    AT

  8. Dr. O’Shaunessey prescribes a pint or two, awarm fire and some well deserved rest. You’ll be good as new before you know it.

    Take care of yourself

  9. Thanks everyone for the nice words and thoughts. Makes me feel so much less like I’m far far away from home 🙂

    I’m feeling better today, finally. On the up-and-up. I hope!

    Best, s.

  10. […] a week feeling miserable, exhausted, sick and mentally […]


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