Posted by: Shanna Germain | 07/05/2009

Insert 12: Raven

Have I mentioned my life lately seems to be full of various members of the wild and wooly animal kingdom? Perhaps it’s appropriate then that today’s Insert bring birds and pups. Namely, a gorgeous, heterochromian dog with a wicked expression and a lust for chasing tails. Then, there’s also the husky… I mean, the bird. I mean the human. Wait, now I’ve gotten myself confused.

Actually, I know entirely which one is which: The bird talks, the dog does not.

For a long time, I was convinced that Raven was a prick (thus the nickname, at the end of his letter). He was a funny prick, sure, but even his humor was sharp-edged and brutally honest. Funny if you were watching it be dished out, not always so funny if you were on the receiving end. No surprise then to realize that he grew up on the East Coast. Also no surprise to realize that, having grown up on the East Coast myself, I could (at least attempt) to dish his wickedly honed humor back at him.

Still, for all the thrown barbs between us, I didn’t really consider Raven to be a friend until he made me really laugh (I know, I know, you’re shocked). This time, it wasn’t with some smart-ass comment or some stinging retort; he made me laugh at himself. It was one of those ‘small crisis’ situations that happens sometimes when groups of people with histories get together, and after everyone went storming off, me having in vain tried to soothe bruised egos and smooth down flaring tempers, Raven sat down next to me and made me laugh for a solid hour, mainly by embarrassing himself. A lot. And completely for my benefit. I suddenly realized that not only was the crisis not mine to “fix”, it wasn’t even really a crisis.

That day, I also realized that there was something more to Raven, hidden behind the obvious poking beak and scratching claws. The truth is…  and don’t tell anyone this, or he’s likely to come after me… but he’s got a big, soft heart beating dully somewhere in that hollow chest of his, even though he’ll deny it to his dying day. How can you tell? Well, you’d surely never guess by his attitude — it’s not like he’s going to be nice to any of us anytime soon — but all you have to do is listen to him ‘rant’ about his pup, and you can see who rules the roost at his bird nest. And, obviously, it’s not the Raven.

Far and fast, s.



An unauthorized pix of the Husky pup, because I think she’s just too cute to only get one picture.



(Warning:  The following will be thickly laced with sarcasm and should be taken with the proverbial grain of salt… Preferably shaken over the previously mentioned slugs for hours of entertainment.)

So, after several weeks of needling, I’ve finally decided to throw some text to the screen and see what sticks since you, apparently, have gotten lazy for content. Using a poor, defenseless tick as an excuse to force voyeurs to actually join in the fun? For shame. Still, I can’t imagine what would possibly be more enthralling than hearing about today’s latest journey to all edges of the Nowhere you’ve banished yourself.

….Seriously, if you want me to write something for this, you’re going to have to stop stabbing and flambe-ing every insect you see. It’s distracting. Besides, you should be using an aerosol and lighter. It’s far more fun. Good for hand/eye coordination, as well.

Unlike yourself and many others, my travels have been confined to the continental U.S., although considering the rate I’m going, eventually I’ll wade my way around the country (But not through the Midwest. I made the mistake of traveling through Nebraska once. To this day, I still don’t see a reason for it to exist on a map, when it should merely say “Insert Civilization Here.”). Although, given the chance, I’d revisit my brief isolation in Maine any day of the week. There’s a certain charm to the idea that you can go in any direction, run directly into a forest and disappear so long as you were capable of survival. I will admit, though, there was one thing that threw me off about the state; absolutely everyone I met was far too kind and considerate to be of any known origin on this planet.

Rambling aside, the real topic of this little scrawl would have to be this image:


<Image of dead dog, here>

Don’t let her fool you as she did me. She’s just resting up between bouts of insanity and testing my patience to the absolute limit and then some. Whether she be lunging herself at my chest to wake me for a 2AM drag, trying to drag a turkey out of an oven, succeeding in stealing a skillet away from the stove top, chasing her hind-leg at about 97mi/h (157 km/h, for you metric-lovers) and catching it just short of warp-speed, she’s always guaranteed for some form of chaos whenever she’s around. Quite a bit like yourself, really, although without the shedding problem

At least, when she sheds, it’s not as long.

Have fun with the creepy-crawlies!

Raven a.k.a Prick


The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.  ~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912



  1. The first time I considered Rayv to be a friend would have to be the first time I made him laugh (See also: snicker pretentiously). Sure he was a prick, but of he could laugh he couldn’t be all bad, right? I think its only recently I’m realizing just how wrong I was 😛

    • Exactly! What’s that saying…? “Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you twice, shame on you too.”

      I think that’s about how he’d put it.

  2. Eh, I think I just tossed ambilvant niceness at him until he gave up.

    After reading this, I -almost- feel sorry for it. Not quite, but kinda.. naw.. fuck it. I’m not sorry at all, it’s just my usually Monday ishy-ness.

    In all seriousness, I know -exactly- what you mean, he’s a riot to watch dish out and you damn well better be on your toes if you want to do any verbal dancing with him because that boy has wit – sharp as a straight-edge that one.

    Oh and the puppy – cute.. very cute makes me miss mine but the footnote on shedding reminded me why I am holding off ;p

    /hugs all around

    • Heh! Annie, that made me laugh! I would pay money to see the two of you go head-to-head, actually. You have an edge that’s just as sharp, although you dress it up in pretty art, so no one expects it!

      /hugs back atcha, s.

  3. Bah. Ray still a prick, but I will admit to the soft gooey, poke it with a stick and see if it moves, side of him. Personally I’m just up for the poking him with a stick but that’s just me.

    The dog’s adorable though! Kinda reminds me of Trilarian’s dog…. hmmm… *squints at the picture* Wonder if it is tril’s dog only more gray fur….

  4. P.S. Only reason I’m admitting to that soft side is cause he wished me a happy birthday… and I think he deliberately waited until the last minute but it still counts!

    And happily enough (yeah digressing to me here) I had the bestest birthday I’ve had … ever! No one died, no one got in an accident, no one almost died from sickness, no one was buried… and best of all, I didn’t get cheated on on my birthday! Woo! That’s not counting the fabulous birthday presents.

    • Yah for fantastic b’days! It’s about time you had one!

      And…wait… he wished you happy birthday?! He didn’t wish me happy birthday….

      -takes back all the nice things she said about him, which weren’t actually all that many to begin with-

  5. Hate. You. All.

    And I call bull on that last bit. I most certainly -did- wish you a happy birthday! Or…Did I say ‘crappy birthday?’ Hm…

    -cants his head, looking over his shoulder at the wolfish gazelle as it occasionally moshes against a wall-

    Hm.. Reminds me of another accident prone Bitch. I’ll allow you and Bri to decide which one I mean.

    • -points at Bri-


    • *points at Shanna* No it’s her! ……… Unless it’s also really hyper, then it’s possible it’s me….. *squints* Is it bouncy?

      And yes you did say Happy birthday….. followed by “it’s almost over but it still counts.”

      • Hey now!

        -sits on Bri and squeezes the air out of her so she can’t talk anymore-

  6. *isn’t really sure it’d be a bad way to go by her sitting on me*


    • -isn’t truly certain as to whether or not she has the ability or weight to ‘crush’ anyone-

      • I can so! Shush it, Corvid!

        Although, truly, I used to sit mostly on my baby brother. Who is now twice as big as me, so…

        -looks around for her next victim-

    • Hehe. Yes it is. Trust me! 🙂

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